What I Learned

From a road trip that did not quite live up to its "EPIC!" billing, lessons on travel and survival:

1.) Complimentary breakfasts: they're worth forcing yourself out of bed and stumbling into the hotel lobby, unshaven and uncoordinated.

2.) If a car to your left begins swerving and sprays your windshield with chunks of ice, just slam on the breaks, frantically swipe the windshield wipers and shout "oh shit!" as many times as you can. You should emerge unscathed.

3.) If your butt hurts, stop driving.

4.) A single hippie can be amusing — even charming — but get stuck in a crowd of them and you're in for a private hell.

5.) Try to visit as many friends along the drive as possible. They make all the indignities of highway travel a bit more tolerable.

6.) Do not procrastinate on restroom stops. And yes, my jeans are fine.

7.) When the weather turns homicidal, drive like an old lady.

8.) Believe it or not, printed newspapers can relay useful information (I guess I should have known that already).

9.) The Tallulah Gorge is the deepest gorge east of the Mississippi River.

10.) Never road trip in the winter. Seriously. It's a drag, and it might get you killed.

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My AmeriCorps NCCC processing/brainwashing begins tomorrow. Something tells me I won't sleep well tonight. But there's a complimentary breakfast waiting for me in the morning...