ROAD TRIP!

Back in the year 2000, I probably would have tried to tell you that Tom Green was a comedic genius. And no, I'm not ashamed to admit that.

First of all, I was a slightly spastic, socially inert 14-year-old... part of Mr. Green's ideal demographic. Secondly, with the YouTube-aided gift of hindsight, I must ask: was Tom Green as viciously unfunny as society labeled him?

Exhibit A:




Now seriously... could you not see Zach Galifianakis performing this exact role today to widespread critical acclaim? Green, in his own bug-eyed, pathetically exhibitionist way, paved the way for an oddball savant like Galifianakis to win America's heart 10 years later. Chew on that thought for awhile. (And, you know, try not to think about "Freddy Got Fingered" or "Stealing Harvard" while you do).

This revisitation of Tom Green's film career is an entirely unrelated lead-in to my own "road trip" plans for next week. The week-long journey will carry me from St. Louis to Perry Point, where the AmeriCorps experience officially begins. The unofficial schedule, below:

Feb. 2:

• Motor from St. Louis to Nashville (311 miles)
• Sightsee in Music City
• Nashville Predators vs. Phoenix Coyotes... greatest NHL matchup ever?

Feb. 3-4:

• Nashville to Atlanta (249 miles)
• Revisit/annoy old colleagues at Paste Magazine
• Local tour of museums, vintage clothing stores

Feb. 5:

• Atlanta to Asheville, N.C. (198 miles)
• See Of Montreal live in concert at the Orange Peel

Feb. 6:

• First leg of Asheville to Washington, D.C. (470 miles)
• Travel north through the Appalachian Mountain region, narrowly escaping from inbred, cannibalistic hillbillies while taking pictures of the pretty scenery

Feb. 7:

• Finish drive to D.C.
• Hang out with a.) an ex-college classmate/bandmate, b.) a second cousin, c.) one of my dad's old college buddies, d.) all of the above
• Blend in with group of German tourists, tour through a gauntlet of asphalt monuments and memorials
  

Feb. 8:

• Wake up early for Washington, D.C. to Perry Point, Md. (81 miles)
• Check in with AmeriCorps at the VA Medical Center gym, prepare for 10 months of hardcore service

That's 1,309 miles (not including the extra rubber that I'll burn while fleeing from the Appalachian boogeymen). WILL I SURVIVE? I'll be broadcasting at intervals throughout the journey to let you know.